Problems...

Last night was really upsetting and scary. I had an asthma attack and stopped breathing. Then I ended up having a bit of an anxiety attack later on in the night. I'm not going to go into detail as to why it happened, but I hope everything is okay now. I had a really confusing and scary nightmare as well that involved me be choked again. (I've been having many like this within the past month or so) I woke up twice in the middle of the night, gasping hard for air both times. Taking a breathing treatment helped a bit, but not much. My asthma is really starting to worry me and I don't really know what to do.

I also definitely need to work more on the packets my new therapist gave me to read. I really feel like drawing again as well, to get out some of the icky feelings I have built up in me lately. I'm sure its a good idea to get the feelings out of me before I end up exploding at people. The last thing I want is to fuck things up further. And I promised myself I would never hurt myself again. I keep telling myself its not worth it, ever. My boyfriend seems to think I'd hurt myself though, and I wish I could assure him that I wouldn't. I'm trying so hard to push forward, regardless of what may kick me back to the ground.

At least my cat wants to be around me though. I love that she's always near me, no matter how icky I feel. *snuggles Luna* I don't know what I'd do without her. She knows when I don't feel good and makes sure she never leaves my side. Maybe I'm just as clingy as she is, but I know I'm clingy for the same reasons as her. I have no one else to cling to or snuggle with. I'll stop this before I sound too depressing I guess. I really do love my boyfriend, more than anything. I just really hope that everything will get better for us.

Oh. My friend Ross is coming over next week sometime, which will be nice. I get more RAM for my computer, and maybe a better PSU. Its nice that at least one friend of mine is willing to visit me and such. He definitely has to listen to this horrible humming/grinding sounds my tower keeps making. Its driving me nuts. But yeah, I should go shower soon because I'm going to attempt to bowl tonight. Attempt being the keyword of course.