Problems...

Last night was really upsetting and scary. I had an asthma attack and stopped breathing. Then I ended up having a bit of an anxiety attack later on in the night. I'm not going to go into detail as to why it happened, but I hope everything is okay now. I had a really confusing and scary nightmare as well that involved me be choked again. (I've been having many like this within the past month or so) I woke up twice in the middle of the night, gasping hard for air both times. Taking a breathing treatment helped a bit, but not much. My asthma is really starting to worry me and I don't really know what to do.

I also definitely need to work more on the packets my new therapist gave me to read. I really feel like drawing again as well, to get out some of the icky feelings I have built up in me lately. I'm sure its a good idea to get the feelings out of me before I end up exploding at people. The last thing I want is to fuck things up further. And I promised myself I would never hurt myself again. I keep telling myself its not worth it, ever. My boyfriend seems to think I'd hurt myself though, and I wish I could assure him that I wouldn't. I'm trying so hard to push forward, regardless of what may kick me back to the ground.

At least my cat wants to be around me though. I love that she's always near me, no matter how icky I feel. *snuggles Luna* I don't know what I'd do without her. She knows when I don't feel good and makes sure she never leaves my side. Maybe I'm just as clingy as she is, but I know I'm clingy for the same reasons as her. I have no one else to cling to or snuggle with. I'll stop this before I sound too depressing I guess. I really do love my boyfriend, more than anything. I just really hope that everything will get better for us.

Oh. My friend Ross is coming over next week sometime, which will be nice. I get more RAM for my computer, and maybe a better PSU. Its nice that at least one friend of mine is willing to visit me and such. He definitely has to listen to this horrible humming/grinding sounds my tower keeps making. Its driving me nuts. But yeah, I should go shower soon because I'm going to attempt to bowl tonight. Attempt being the keyword of course.

Christmas Morning!

I hope everyone is having a happy holiday season. Its Christmas morning and I got nothing. Haha. Not like I was expecting anything anyway. I never do. Less disappointment that way. I've been awake all night, as usual, and so I don't think I'm gonna go to my dad's today to celebrate. Grams has work and my mom and step-dad are probably going to be with his family so I'll have the house to myself to sing and talk to my friends. Its too fucking cold anyhow, and I feel ill because my nose will not stop running. Regardless though, I got to talk to my boyfriend last night and that made me happy. Yesterday was our one month mark so yippee for us. I love him more than air... and I'm an asthmatic. Bad joke, but you get the point. He sent me a Christmas package earlier this week and it hasn't gotten to me yet. I haven't been able to send his present because I always end up sleeping all damn day. Gah. You'll get your package before the first of the year honey, I am going to try my best. I love you Jason. Merry Christmas.

Christmas Time!

This Christmas is going to be fun and happy. I'm going to make sure of it. I have a boyfriend I love to death who loves me back just as much, I finally got heat in my apartment again, I have Christmas presents to send and receive, and I get to spend time with the family members I love the most. I'm trying my best to stay optimistic this year. I'm very thankful I have everything I have. I love you Jason, so very very much. You are the best thing that could ever happen to me and I'm happy, yes happy, to be in love with someone that loves me back, flaws and all.

I hope everyone has a Happy Christmas this year and Happy Holidays.

Not much has happened really since the last post I made. I officially got fired from my job 2 weeks ago and I'm actually glad. I hated working at Walmart so much. So now I'm back to brokeville. *sigh*

I went to Anime Nebraskon in November and it was very fun this year. I got to take my best friend with me so now she's been to an anime convention. This year was my second Nebraskon and I can't wait to go next year. This year I was a catgirl on Friday, Beat from Jet Grind Radio on Saturday (no one recognized me which made me sad), and we didn't go on Sunday because we were too fucking tired. I also met up with an adorable guy that lives not too far from me and we get to hang out this week hopefully.

I also gained a new boyfriend recently, Jason, and he's been loads of help in keeping me sane and content. It just sucks having to be in another internet relationship. The last relationship I had was a disaster to be honest. He lied to me for the whole month we were together. Really upset me and left me questioning my gullibility. I just hope I'm not setting my heart up for another episode of destruction.

Lastly, I started going to therapy again so I'm sure that will help as well. I hadn't been to therapy in a long while and I have to see a new person since my last therapist retired and moved away. This new therapist is a really nice guy and he's pretty optimistic about the treatment he's going to use for me. Hopefully all goes well and I'll benefit more than I have been without therapy.

Oh, I've been totally addicted to the browser-based game called Forumwarz too. Its so much fun. I have a level 13 Hacker character. Its fun to pretend to be a really smart female hacker and pwn made-up forums. I finished episode one and I'm trying to find a way to get to play episode two, since you have to actually pay money to play it. *sigh*

Lastly, I made a paypal account the other day as well, although I'm not sure why. I know I'll probably never use it. I suppose I should maybe make out a Christmas list since I'm bored.

- Forumwarz Episode 2
- A new microphone
- A laptop
- Mario Party DS
- A Nintendo Wii
- Witch Hunter Robin DVD box set
- Trigun DVD box set

That's all I can think of and that's probably hoping for way too much. Eheh. ^^;